GH 1/28: Lecher in the Rye
RIP, Mr. Salinger.
Snowy Woods: Luke and Lucky hang out and have gun practice. Luke says Lucky has great aim and asks who it will be.
GH: Liz gets off the elevator, and everyone stops and stares in slow motion.
House of Lemon Pledges: Loo has come to Carly to ask what to do when you're just a stupid woman living in a universe where murder makes heroes. Carly folds laundry and stepfords that y ou stand by your man.
Olivia's: Olivia whines to Johnny that she's trying to save Dante's life.
Jason and Dante work together to run things, as they do. Sonny saunters in and asks if someone called a meeting and forgot to tell him. I love that Sonny still believes he's in charge of anything at all. I frankly think Jason will keep it a secret from him when Sonny can't even control his bowel movements anymore, much less running The Organization. I would love this show if it were capable of some sort of Kaiser Soze-ian mindeff in which it turns out that Sonny isn't just a lame halftard who Jason lets think he's in charge.
Credits
Nurse's Station: Liz drops a bunch of pencils, and because this clearly is life threatening, Piph and Monica rush over to make sure she's okay. Do they only use Uranium based pencils at the hospital, or something? Liz says she's fine. She tries to work on a file, but the beating of the tale tell whore...er...heart...interrupts her thoughts. She's certain that everyone in the room is whispering about how she's sleeping around, with her brother's fiance, with the lead pipe, in the conservatory. Nik shows up to do whatever fake hospital administration business he's doing today....even though 72 hours ago he was leaving for the only other city on the planet, so wouldn't he have made arrangements f else to take his board seat. Oh, wait, what, you don't give a fig about the running of the hospital? Sorry. I find hospital administration so sexy personally. Liz rubs her temples and hollers out to everyone to quit whispering about her. "Yes! I had an affair with Nikolas Cassadine!!1!!!!" (and yes, she totally says the "1") Piph and Monica, clearly not talking about her at all, are confused as hell.
House of Lemon Pledges: Loo nods that she should stand by Dante no matter what. and yes, it's true, if your hot boyfriend has devoted his life to reducing murders in the world, I actually do think a lovely and decent thing to do is support him in that choice. Poor Carly is talking about knowing which mil of plastic to buy at Lowe's and how to sharpen a hacksaw with stolen diamonds. Carly asks if Loo is not saying something. Loo covers by saying that Sonny and Dom talked about Dom taking over the Biz someday.
Commercials
Snowy Woods: Lucky whines that he wanted life and love to be perfect and something that anyone over the age of...oh, I don't know SEVEN...would know is at best a sweet story with hints of truth. JJ is a great actor, but oy, Lucky is such a freaking drama queen. and he comes by it honestly, but oy.
Lizster Prynne stands on that scaffolding and yells at everyone about her indiscretions. Nik smacks her with the cliff's notes and drags her away.
Haunted Star: Ethan and Tracy hang out and gossip about Luke and betrayal and love and I don't really know what they are talking about.
Olivia's: Olivia and her hotass boyfriend fight again some more about how she always finds a way to protect Sonny. He says he can't stand by and watch after what Sonny did to Claud. Olivia tries to bust out the doe eyes, but John cuts her short and reiterates he's done. He says when Dante finds out what Olivia did, he'll be done too (I think referring to her recently mucking up the investigation)
Corinthaus: Jason, of course, knows that Dante is a little off. Sonny, of course, thinks there is no way. Jason busts out the facts that the maid, Graciela, even knows that Dante is obviously the mole. She told Jason (not Sonny) that Dante helped her take out the trash. Because, Sonny, EVERYONE TELLS JASON IMPORTANT STUFF and they tell you what they had for dinner. Do you really not notice this? That Jason doesn't even know what baseball is because he's so busy running your business for you and keeping that fact a secret, while you have time to go all the way to the city every time the Yankees have a home game? Jason says that Dante would have access to evidence that Sonny burned in the fireplace (again, b/c Sonny is such a terrible mobster, he doesn't know about ashes or residue.) Even now, Sonny just frowns at this, wondering if Jason is saying he's supposed to flash his dimples at this information or pour it three fingers of Scotch.
Commercials
GH: Liz rubs the A on her chest and tells Niksdale to leave her alone. Nik says she just broadcast their affair. She snaps at him to leave her alone. He says she should take some time off. She says she has two kids and a job. Idiot Nik says the solution is to just take the kids with her. Yes, ladies, when life gives you lemons, take your children out of school, quit your job with no notice, and use your private jet to go to your villa.
Haunted Star: Tracy is sweetly emotional that Ethan is having a hard time dealing with Lucky's problems. I love Tracy so endlessly. I'm suppoed to think of her as wicked, but she's really such a softy who loves people more consistently than any other character on the show.
Docks: Ethan and Lucky run into each other. Ethan is goofy and sweet, trying to find ways to invite Lucky to hang out to distract him from his broken heart.
Dante's room: Dante finds Loo waiting for him. SHe says she had a nice long talk with Carly about him, and she's not going anywhere. He assumes she told Carly that he's a cop, so he jokingly starts peeling off his coat saying they don't have much time to do it before Sonny comes to murder him. It's oddly cute, and she laughs and says that his secret is safe. But he can't push her away.
Corinthaus: Sonny tells Jason that Dante reminds him of himself.
Commericals
Corinthaus: Spinelli shows up and says there is a recent arrest warrant. that the warrant references pieces of a burnt shirt that was found in ashes recently recovered from an undercover cop. Sonny tooks at Jason to see if Jason has his happy face or his sad face on, so that he knows how to better pretend any of this makes sense to him.
Dante's Room: Dante tells Looloo that she's the best, and he's honored to be so lucky to have her stand by him. Then he gives her a knee weakening kiss.
House of Lemon Pledges: Discussions of the christening commence. Carly is inviting the Q's "because they are Michael's family, and this is a special day" Coleman can't make it b/c he's got a poker tournament. Jax says Kate can't make it either. ha! I think it's more of a Poke Her Tournament. wacka wacka. Jax suggests they keep Sonny and the Q's apart. Morgan brings up Dante, and Michael barks that he doesn't get why Morgan likes him. (psst, Dante, watch out for axe handles and pillows. I'm a little bit psychic sometimes, and this thought just came to me)
Docks: Ethan and Fog Horn continue to try to cheer up Lucky. Clang! Lucky appreciates it and says he was a jerk when Ethan came to town, and he admits he was wrong. Ethan mutters neither of them are perfect. Speaking of not being perfect, Liz clomps down the stairs.
Commercials
Docks: lol, aw, sound guy used the sound of a low flying prop plane just for this moment. The buoy clangs almost imperceptably and Liz says that she wanted to talk to him. Lucky says there's nothing to say and walks away. Liz tells Ethan she just wanted to ask him about the kids. They've been asking about him and she has no idea what to tell them. Yes, I mock Liz, but I agree her saying "mommy likes getting laid so much, she gambled with your sense of well being and ability to trust in love." is kind of mean.
Dante's room: Dante and Looloo flirt and joke about the fun life before them of being naked a heck of a lot more but still not noticing annoying habits. Sigh, no offense to my lovely life, but those first 6 months are The Best. The roll onto the bed, but immediately Laundromat Lou knocks and insists on talking. Dante apologizes, and Loo good naturedly says it's okay and laughs that it's part of the deal. See....first six months....soooooo fun. cuz that sort of thing, is gonna get real old, real fast.
Corinthaus: Spinelli reiterates that it was someone undercover who got the ashes. Jason says it's a relief to know that at least Michael is still honest and doesn't just lie b/c he's jealous. lol that Jason thinks that's been established. Yes, Michael was not lying about Dante. Michael will chop off your head if he's jealous, but he won't lie. All my friends say the montessori schools that teach that lesson are the hardest to get into. Sonny barks that he can't believe he didn't trust Michael. Yes, Sonny, it's shocking that the child you shoved out of the way so you could save your girlfriend is the same kid you assumed was lying. Sonny barks that Dante is a cop.
Commericals
House of Lemon Pledges: Carly bounces Jocelyn on her knees and coos that tomorrow is a big day with everyone coming to see her. Drama Queen since before birth, Jocelyn gurgles appreciatively. Jax gets a call from the FBI guy from Another World that blah blah, it's all about to get Sweepsy up in this bitch.
Chapel: Loo finds Olivia praying in a church. She apologizes for bothering Olivia....and then she proves she means it by yammering. Which is less rude if I take into account that Loo knows Olivia is obviously praying about the same person she came to pray for. She says she doesn't think God cares if they pray for Dante or Dominique. Loo says she hopes it doesn't sound selfish, but she not only prays for Dom, but that they make it through together. Olivia tearfully and appreciatively takes Loo's hands.
Corinthaus: Sonny says that he's going to send Dante on an errand, and that's where he's going to have his "accident" He'll be at the christening for hia alibi. Jason points out that Dante is invited to the christening (am I being rude, is Christening capitalized. It seems like it probably is. No disrespect intended!) Speaking of disrespect, though, Sonny says that accidents happen anywhere, so if he has to kill Dante as the Christening, so be it. Yes, that guy. Soooo sexy. Totally see the appeal.
House of Lemon Pledges: Carly continues to bounce Jocelyn on her knee and gleefully talk about how glorious tomorrow is. Joc drools merrily b/c she already knows that she's going to use the destruction of her Christening against her parents and Uncle Sonny for decades to come to pay for any and everything her adorable heart desires.
the end
Snowy Woods: Luke and Lucky hang out and have gun practice. Luke says Lucky has great aim and asks who it will be.
GH: Liz gets off the elevator, and everyone stops and stares in slow motion.
House of Lemon Pledges: Loo has come to Carly to ask what to do when you're just a stupid woman living in a universe where murder makes heroes. Carly folds laundry and stepfords that y ou stand by your man.
Olivia's: Olivia whines to Johnny that she's trying to save Dante's life.
Jason and Dante work together to run things, as they do. Sonny saunters in and asks if someone called a meeting and forgot to tell him. I love that Sonny still believes he's in charge of anything at all. I frankly think Jason will keep it a secret from him when Sonny can't even control his bowel movements anymore, much less running The Organization. I would love this show if it were capable of some sort of Kaiser Soze-ian mindeff in which it turns out that Sonny isn't just a lame halftard who Jason lets think he's in charge.
Credits
Nurse's Station: Liz drops a bunch of pencils, and because this clearly is life threatening, Piph and Monica rush over to make sure she's okay. Do they only use Uranium based pencils at the hospital, or something? Liz says she's fine. She tries to work on a file, but the beating of the tale tell whore...er...heart...interrupts her thoughts. She's certain that everyone in the room is whispering about how she's sleeping around, with her brother's fiance, with the lead pipe, in the conservatory. Nik shows up to do whatever fake hospital administration business he's doing today....even though 72 hours ago he was leaving for the only other city on the planet, so wouldn't he have made arrangements f else to take his board seat. Oh, wait, what, you don't give a fig about the running of the hospital? Sorry. I find hospital administration so sexy personally. Liz rubs her temples and hollers out to everyone to quit whispering about her. "Yes! I had an affair with Nikolas Cassadine!!1!!!!" (and yes, she totally says the "1") Piph and Monica, clearly not talking about her at all, are confused as hell.
House of Lemon Pledges: Loo nods that she should stand by Dante no matter what. and yes, it's true, if your hot boyfriend has devoted his life to reducing murders in the world, I actually do think a lovely and decent thing to do is support him in that choice. Poor Carly is talking about knowing which mil of plastic to buy at Lowe's and how to sharpen a hacksaw with stolen diamonds. Carly asks if Loo is not saying something. Loo covers by saying that Sonny and Dom talked about Dom taking over the Biz someday.
Commercials
Snowy Woods: Lucky whines that he wanted life and love to be perfect and something that anyone over the age of...oh, I don't know SEVEN...would know is at best a sweet story with hints of truth. JJ is a great actor, but oy, Lucky is such a freaking drama queen. and he comes by it honestly, but oy.
Lizster Prynne stands on that scaffolding and yells at everyone about her indiscretions. Nik smacks her with the cliff's notes and drags her away.
Haunted Star: Ethan and Tracy hang out and gossip about Luke and betrayal and love and I don't really know what they are talking about.
Olivia's: Olivia and her hotass boyfriend fight again some more about how she always finds a way to protect Sonny. He says he can't stand by and watch after what Sonny did to Claud. Olivia tries to bust out the doe eyes, but John cuts her short and reiterates he's done. He says when Dante finds out what Olivia did, he'll be done too (I think referring to her recently mucking up the investigation)
Corinthaus: Jason, of course, knows that Dante is a little off. Sonny, of course, thinks there is no way. Jason busts out the facts that the maid, Graciela, even knows that Dante is obviously the mole. She told Jason (not Sonny) that Dante helped her take out the trash. Because, Sonny, EVERYONE TELLS JASON IMPORTANT STUFF and they tell you what they had for dinner. Do you really not notice this? That Jason doesn't even know what baseball is because he's so busy running your business for you and keeping that fact a secret, while you have time to go all the way to the city every time the Yankees have a home game? Jason says that Dante would have access to evidence that Sonny burned in the fireplace (again, b/c Sonny is such a terrible mobster, he doesn't know about ashes or residue.) Even now, Sonny just frowns at this, wondering if Jason is saying he's supposed to flash his dimples at this information or pour it three fingers of Scotch.
Commercials
GH: Liz rubs the A on her chest and tells Niksdale to leave her alone. Nik says she just broadcast their affair. She snaps at him to leave her alone. He says she should take some time off. She says she has two kids and a job. Idiot Nik says the solution is to just take the kids with her. Yes, ladies, when life gives you lemons, take your children out of school, quit your job with no notice, and use your private jet to go to your villa.
Haunted Star: Tracy is sweetly emotional that Ethan is having a hard time dealing with Lucky's problems. I love Tracy so endlessly. I'm suppoed to think of her as wicked, but she's really such a softy who loves people more consistently than any other character on the show.
Docks: Ethan and Lucky run into each other. Ethan is goofy and sweet, trying to find ways to invite Lucky to hang out to distract him from his broken heart.
Dante's room: Dante finds Loo waiting for him. SHe says she had a nice long talk with Carly about him, and she's not going anywhere. He assumes she told Carly that he's a cop, so he jokingly starts peeling off his coat saying they don't have much time to do it before Sonny comes to murder him. It's oddly cute, and she laughs and says that his secret is safe. But he can't push her away.
Corinthaus: Sonny tells Jason that Dante reminds him of himself.
Commericals
Corinthaus: Spinelli shows up and says there is a recent arrest warrant. that the warrant references pieces of a burnt shirt that was found in ashes recently recovered from an undercover cop. Sonny tooks at Jason to see if Jason has his happy face or his sad face on, so that he knows how to better pretend any of this makes sense to him.
Dante's Room: Dante tells Looloo that she's the best, and he's honored to be so lucky to have her stand by him. Then he gives her a knee weakening kiss.
House of Lemon Pledges: Discussions of the christening commence. Carly is inviting the Q's "because they are Michael's family, and this is a special day" Coleman can't make it b/c he's got a poker tournament. Jax says Kate can't make it either. ha! I think it's more of a Poke Her Tournament. wacka wacka. Jax suggests they keep Sonny and the Q's apart. Morgan brings up Dante, and Michael barks that he doesn't get why Morgan likes him. (psst, Dante, watch out for axe handles and pillows. I'm a little bit psychic sometimes, and this thought just came to me)
Docks: Ethan and Fog Horn continue to try to cheer up Lucky. Clang! Lucky appreciates it and says he was a jerk when Ethan came to town, and he admits he was wrong. Ethan mutters neither of them are perfect. Speaking of not being perfect, Liz clomps down the stairs.
Commercials
Docks: lol, aw, sound guy used the sound of a low flying prop plane just for this moment. The buoy clangs almost imperceptably and Liz says that she wanted to talk to him. Lucky says there's nothing to say and walks away. Liz tells Ethan she just wanted to ask him about the kids. They've been asking about him and she has no idea what to tell them. Yes, I mock Liz, but I agree her saying "mommy likes getting laid so much, she gambled with your sense of well being and ability to trust in love." is kind of mean.
Dante's room: Dante and Looloo flirt and joke about the fun life before them of being naked a heck of a lot more but still not noticing annoying habits. Sigh, no offense to my lovely life, but those first 6 months are The Best. The roll onto the bed, but immediately Laundromat Lou knocks and insists on talking. Dante apologizes, and Loo good naturedly says it's okay and laughs that it's part of the deal. See....first six months....soooooo fun. cuz that sort of thing, is gonna get real old, real fast.
Corinthaus: Spinelli reiterates that it was someone undercover who got the ashes. Jason says it's a relief to know that at least Michael is still honest and doesn't just lie b/c he's jealous. lol that Jason thinks that's been established. Yes, Michael was not lying about Dante. Michael will chop off your head if he's jealous, but he won't lie. All my friends say the montessori schools that teach that lesson are the hardest to get into. Sonny barks that he can't believe he didn't trust Michael. Yes, Sonny, it's shocking that the child you shoved out of the way so you could save your girlfriend is the same kid you assumed was lying. Sonny barks that Dante is a cop.
Commericals
House of Lemon Pledges: Carly bounces Jocelyn on her knees and coos that tomorrow is a big day with everyone coming to see her. Drama Queen since before birth, Jocelyn gurgles appreciatively. Jax gets a call from the FBI guy from Another World that blah blah, it's all about to get Sweepsy up in this bitch.
Chapel: Loo finds Olivia praying in a church. She apologizes for bothering Olivia....and then she proves she means it by yammering. Which is less rude if I take into account that Loo knows Olivia is obviously praying about the same person she came to pray for. She says she doesn't think God cares if they pray for Dante or Dominique. Loo says she hopes it doesn't sound selfish, but she not only prays for Dom, but that they make it through together. Olivia tearfully and appreciatively takes Loo's hands.
Corinthaus: Sonny says that he's going to send Dante on an errand, and that's where he's going to have his "accident" He'll be at the christening for hia alibi. Jason points out that Dante is invited to the christening (am I being rude, is Christening capitalized. It seems like it probably is. No disrespect intended!) Speaking of disrespect, though, Sonny says that accidents happen anywhere, so if he has to kill Dante as the Christening, so be it. Yes, that guy. Soooo sexy. Totally see the appeal.
House of Lemon Pledges: Carly continues to bounce Jocelyn on her knee and gleefully talk about how glorious tomorrow is. Joc drools merrily b/c she already knows that she's going to use the destruction of her Christening against her parents and Uncle Sonny for decades to come to pay for any and everything her adorable heart desires.
the end
LMAO at "Kaiser Soze-ian mindeff"
I'm so happy you're recapping, lol. This hour just became so much better.
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Even now, Sonny just frowns at this, wondering if Jason is saying he's supposed to flash his dimples at this information or pour it three fingers of Scotch.
OMG that's freakin' hilarious!! LOVE IT.
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GH: Liz gets off the elevator, and everyone stops and stares in slow motion.
LMBO what's next a GIANT scarlet letter for her to wear.
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Morgan brings up Dante, and Michael barks that he doesn't get why Morgan likes him. (psst, Dante, watch out for axe handles and pillows. I'm a little bit psychic sometimes, and this thought just came to me)
ROFLMAO!
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Every word you wrote of Jason and Sonny's mobster two-step was hilarious and spot on!!! I think the depth of Sonny's dimples have interferred with his gray matter.
Poor Dante....he's never tapped Lulu yet but not to worry after witnessing the shed scenes with Johnny and Lulu and seeing Johnny with Olivia....we know who the dead fish is.
Thanks Mad, the whole bit was great!!
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Jax gets a call from the FBI guy from Another World that blah blah, it's all about to get Sweepsy up in this bitch.
LMBO you rock Mad
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Sweepsey up in this bitch...lol
Stop the axe murderer first before you stop the nice looking cop
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Thanks Mad - any day you write a recap is a Great Day!
You write the things I say & yell at the screen all the time.
Keep up the Laughter!
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She tries to work on a file, but the beating of the tale tell whore...er...heart...interrupts her thoughts.
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bahahaha! first the nod to Salinger in the title, then the nod to Poe. Loves it!
Ethan mutters neither of them are perfect. Speaking of not being perfect, Liz clomps down the stairs.
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HIGHlarious!
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