GH 7/27: That first step is a doozy
Previously on General Hospital
Ethan came out of surgery alive. Useless Maya sat by his side. Ethan endearingly asked her to hold up fingers and ask him how many b/c he always wanted to be injured enough that someone had to do that. Ethan remembers the carnage, and he wants to celebrate his continue existence with her. She admits to almost letting him die.
Patrick and Shawn Douglas worked on Mac's innards in a most disturbing looking way. Sort of like they were kneading meatloaf with tongs instead of performing a number of precision operations on delicate internal organs. Robin and Maxie sat with their nasty tennis shoes up on a sofa and worried they would lose their father. Maxie bitched at Lisa and called her a manipulative home wrecker. Robin cluelessly doesn't get what this means. Mac, of course, survived, so Maxi made out with Shawn D in the sun-dappled supply closet.
Lucky helped Nik and Liz search for Aidan "as if he was his own son" wonk wonk.
Stephen told Olivia that Ethan lived, thanks to her. But mostly they flirted.
Sonny had Max buy a laptop for Walsh, which Diane thinks will be an aphrodisiac. Sonny summoned Alexis to tell her about the shooting. Alexis blamed herself in an aggravating way that I think was supposed to be comical. Meanwhile Max gave Diane a fabulous foot massage, and then they teased Walsh that Sonny seduces women the exact same way every time, and they end up losing their jobs, crazy, pregnant, or all of the above. They try to guess which Schtup Step she's up to. Walsh says this is ridiculous, but she later walked in on Sonny comforting Alexis and was clearly jealous. Which was gross.
Lisa taunted Patrick that she was in Forced Coupling with Robin, who is convinced Patrick would never cheat on her. Lisa finds that curious. I guess Lisa is this year's Heather Webber? Crazy and cheating and confused why people don't like that.
A drag queen recited the words to Mad World while Adam Lambert sang them, which is almost redundant.
Dante was pissed that Jason pushed Franco off a ledge b/c supposedly only he knows where Aidan is. Jason insisted Franco jumped,. which is what wesaw happen. Later Jason pulled a gun on Dante and threatened to murder him as payback for all that Michael suffered in prison. Dante said killing him would make Michael feel bad, and then Dante dared Jason to kill him.
On with the show:
Scenes from an Italian Restaurant: Alexis assures Walsh that nothing is going on between her and Sonny b/c she's already suffered the humiliation of a tryst. They fill Walsh in on K-Dad's shooting up the hospital. Walsh says it makes sense b/c Mr. B has been increasingly nutty. She muses to Alexis that it must be difficult to share a child with Sonny.
Liz squeaks to Nik about her missing baby. Stephen shows up to fill them in about the carnage and that Mac and Ethan were shot and Mac shot Mr. B and everyone is already better.
Sun Dappled Supply Closet: Maxie and Shawn D make out.
Barthelona: So yuck yuck yuck, Skye and Jax are in Barthelona and some set of hijinks ensue that involves some woman who I don't care about and a fake fight between Jax and Skye that I care less about.
Nurse's Station: Lisa gets all "I'm not gonna be ignored, Dan" about their affair. I hope Emma doesn't have a bunny! Robin shows up and says she can guess what this is about. I think she's going to say something clueless like Lisa pat are fighting about a patient. She says it's about Lisa sleeping with her husband. ruh roh. But after the credits, of course, she's still clueless and thinks Lisa is simply trying to get into her husband's draw string pants and not that she already has.
Commercials
Hallway: Maxie paces back and forth, and Michael finds her and is forced to endure listening to her whine. She blurts out that she promised she wouldn't do something again, but then she did. "have sex!" she blurts. Michael, of course, wants to leave, but Maxie insists on talking to him about it. She blathers on and on about loving Lucky and Spinelli and ruining things and being sorry, and how she never gets things back on track after sleeping with Franco. Michael cringes at this. Maxie yammers about not being able to stop thinking about it, no matter how he ries. Michael politely nods, but listening to her forces him to remember his own horrible prison memories he's been trying to suppress. He remembers Lex pinning him against the wall. In the present, Michael tells Maxie to stop it and that talking about it makes it worse.
Nurse's Station: Robin cluelessly tells Lisa that she's not blind or stupid enough to not see Lisa's attempt to damage her marriage. Patrick stands behind his wife. Lisa just smiles cruelly at Robin and interrupts her every so often to say things like "you really don't want to be insulting me" and "are you done?" Robin sits atop Mt. Clueless and angrily tells Lisa that she's pathetic for trying because Patrick will never cheat on her. Lisa smiles up at Patrick when Robin says this, her eyebrows lifted in the delight of what a crock they both know that is. Lisa ignores Robin and congratulates Patrick on finding "aren't you lucky to have scored such a blindly loyal, little woman." She smiles patronizingly down at Robin for the "little woman" part, then she leaves. Robin mutters "bitch" under her breath. Patrick can only pathetically apologize.
Barthelona: Pointless Lady and Jax drink champagne and discuss whatever is going on with this aggravatingly boring plot. Meanwhile, Skye sits in the dark and looks up bank info on a computer. The password is "sophie" for anyone who's been watching for years. A security guard shows up to speak Spanish. "Where is the farmer? I am enchanted to meet you."
Commercials
Hallway: Maxie apologizes for going on abut a psychopath when he almost got shot by one. If I were an English teacher, I would punish naughty students by making them diagram Maxie's sentences. Michael says he doesn't think she lied to or cheated on anybody, she just wanted to thank Matt. "Stop thinking and be" So somehow Michael went from having attending 18 hours of school his entire life to suddenly reading existentialist philosophers? Maxie thanks him and leaves.
Barthelona: Jax continues to woo Pointless Lady. Meanwhile, Skye sobs to Security Guard about how her husband was murdered. She leaves out the part that she was an accomplice. She sobs that she and her daughter will be thrown into the streets.
Hospital: Nik and Liz continue to fret about their missing child. She sobs that she's trying to stay positive. Oh, have I mentioned that there is suddenly a "Jane Morgan" who's an employee at GH, even though no one knows her. They all think she's Franco's accomplice. Liz goes off on all the most gruesome of worst case scenarios, including her baby being tossed in a dumpster or already dead.
Ethan's room: Ethan, born of endless forgiveness and grace, tells Maya that it's no big deal that she watched him almost bleed to death and literally would not lift a finger to help. Kristina, Carly and Michael show up. Kristina asks if he's okay. He shrugs and says he suspects he'll have a bit of a sore throat, and he's groggy, but in a fun way. Carly says Ethan is quite the "glass half full" kind of guy. Kristina says that's why she likes him.
Scenes from an Italian Restaurant: Alexis repeats to Walsh that she's tried to keep K from Sonny b/c of all The Danger, but it turns out Alexis is the one that has put Kristina in the most danger. Walsh says Alexis isn't the first parent to miss signs of abuse, and that was a one time thing. But Sonny is a mobster, so The Danger is daily. Sonny asks why she cares since she barely knows his kids, and tried to put their father away in prison and got Michael instead. Alexis skeedaddles. Sonny looks at his phone and says this has to be a day when she hates his guts. She says she doesn't have to like him to take what she needs. Please, please, don't let that be a turkey baster in her brief case.
Commercials
Barthelona: Apparently Pointless Woman is Senora de la Vaca. Doesn't that mean Miss Cow? Security Guard allows Skye to continue snooping.
Miss Cow reminds me of Hilda Suarez from Ugly Betty sometimes.
Ethan's room: Um, so should a guy with a hole in his carotid artery really have 85 people in his hotel room? and should he really have to be the one to comfort Maya and Kristina? Carly gets everyone to leave Ethan to rest, but Kristina stays.
Scenes from an Italian Restaurant: Oh, chit. This IS about a turkey baster. I feel like my dog just died, Walsh. Sonny says that Walsh wants to take him to bed. She says she will if she has too. She wants a baby. Yes, that makes sense. The woman waits until her mid 30's to have children because she wants things to be perfect, and she finally lets go that there is no perfect, so, of course, her first choice is a mobster she loathes who has bred some exceptionally effed up children. I can't think of anything more logical!
Commercials
Nurse's Station: Robin tells Patrick they should agree not to let Lisa come between them. Patrick says he doesn't deserve her. Robin and I both agree. Lisa eaveslurks from around the corner.
Barthelona: Miss Cow kisses Jax just as Skye walks in.
Conference room: Carly finishes a message to Jax telling him about the carnage. Michael asks her what's wrong. She stifles a sob and says nothing. She says she misses her husband. He's so strong and steady and makes her feel everything is going to be okay. She feels out of whack without him. Michael says the easy solution is to ask Jax to take her back.
Scenes from an Italian Restaurant: Sonny says "that's funny, for a minute I thought you were asking to have a baby with him." She says not with him, the baby would be hers. They would do the deed, and she knows he wants to sleep with her. She says he obviously has no problem getting anyone pregnant, and his children are intelligent, articulate and attractive. She leaves out whiny, murderous, and liars, but no one is perfect. She wants the best of what he's got and to leave the rest behind. Sonny says he looks forward to sleeping with her, but he's never getting anyone pregnant again.
Commercials
and then obnoxious godaddy deleted the last segment because of their ridiculous rule that I have to move the mouse to prove that I'm actively working on this blog. It doesn't matter that I typed non stop for 10 minutes. nope. Had to move the mouse for it to count. Oh, how I loathe them and encourage you to never do business with them!
Basically, Skye got the money and kisses Jax, and Michael insists to Carly that if she wants Jax back, she should just be with him, and Walsh tells Sonny she doesn't want presents, and he tells her that she'll be back and she wants him. and Liz goes to sleep because she's so lazy! Nik tells her he loves her.
the end
Ethan came out of surgery alive. Useless Maya sat by his side. Ethan endearingly asked her to hold up fingers and ask him how many b/c he always wanted to be injured enough that someone had to do that. Ethan remembers the carnage, and he wants to celebrate his continue existence with her. She admits to almost letting him die.
Patrick and Shawn Douglas worked on Mac's innards in a most disturbing looking way. Sort of like they were kneading meatloaf with tongs instead of performing a number of precision operations on delicate internal organs. Robin and Maxie sat with their nasty tennis shoes up on a sofa and worried they would lose their father. Maxie bitched at Lisa and called her a manipulative home wrecker. Robin cluelessly doesn't get what this means. Mac, of course, survived, so Maxi made out with Shawn D in the sun-dappled supply closet.
Lucky helped Nik and Liz search for Aidan "as if he was his own son" wonk wonk.
Stephen told Olivia that Ethan lived, thanks to her. But mostly they flirted.
Sonny had Max buy a laptop for Walsh, which Diane thinks will be an aphrodisiac. Sonny summoned Alexis to tell her about the shooting. Alexis blamed herself in an aggravating way that I think was supposed to be comical. Meanwhile Max gave Diane a fabulous foot massage, and then they teased Walsh that Sonny seduces women the exact same way every time, and they end up losing their jobs, crazy, pregnant, or all of the above. They try to guess which Schtup Step she's up to. Walsh says this is ridiculous, but she later walked in on Sonny comforting Alexis and was clearly jealous. Which was gross.
Lisa taunted Patrick that she was in Forced Coupling with Robin, who is convinced Patrick would never cheat on her. Lisa finds that curious. I guess Lisa is this year's Heather Webber? Crazy and cheating and confused why people don't like that.
A drag queen recited the words to Mad World while Adam Lambert sang them, which is almost redundant.
Dante was pissed that Jason pushed Franco off a ledge b/c supposedly only he knows where Aidan is. Jason insisted Franco jumped,. which is what wesaw happen. Later Jason pulled a gun on Dante and threatened to murder him as payback for all that Michael suffered in prison. Dante said killing him would make Michael feel bad, and then Dante dared Jason to kill him.
On with the show:
Scenes from an Italian Restaurant: Alexis assures Walsh that nothing is going on between her and Sonny b/c she's already suffered the humiliation of a tryst. They fill Walsh in on K-Dad's shooting up the hospital. Walsh says it makes sense b/c Mr. B has been increasingly nutty. She muses to Alexis that it must be difficult to share a child with Sonny.
Liz squeaks to Nik about her missing baby. Stephen shows up to fill them in about the carnage and that Mac and Ethan were shot and Mac shot Mr. B and everyone is already better.
Sun Dappled Supply Closet: Maxie and Shawn D make out.
Barthelona: So yuck yuck yuck, Skye and Jax are in Barthelona and some set of hijinks ensue that involves some woman who I don't care about and a fake fight between Jax and Skye that I care less about.
Nurse's Station: Lisa gets all "I'm not gonna be ignored, Dan" about their affair. I hope Emma doesn't have a bunny! Robin shows up and says she can guess what this is about. I think she's going to say something clueless like Lisa pat are fighting about a patient. She says it's about Lisa sleeping with her husband. ruh roh. But after the credits, of course, she's still clueless and thinks Lisa is simply trying to get into her husband's draw string pants and not that she already has.
Commercials
Hallway: Maxie paces back and forth, and Michael finds her and is forced to endure listening to her whine. She blurts out that she promised she wouldn't do something again, but then she did. "have sex!" she blurts. Michael, of course, wants to leave, but Maxie insists on talking to him about it. She blathers on and on about loving Lucky and Spinelli and ruining things and being sorry, and how she never gets things back on track after sleeping with Franco. Michael cringes at this. Maxie yammers about not being able to stop thinking about it, no matter how he ries. Michael politely nods, but listening to her forces him to remember his own horrible prison memories he's been trying to suppress. He remembers Lex pinning him against the wall. In the present, Michael tells Maxie to stop it and that talking about it makes it worse.
Nurse's Station: Robin cluelessly tells Lisa that she's not blind or stupid enough to not see Lisa's attempt to damage her marriage. Patrick stands behind his wife. Lisa just smiles cruelly at Robin and interrupts her every so often to say things like "you really don't want to be insulting me" and "are you done?" Robin sits atop Mt. Clueless and angrily tells Lisa that she's pathetic for trying because Patrick will never cheat on her. Lisa smiles up at Patrick when Robin says this, her eyebrows lifted in the delight of what a crock they both know that is. Lisa ignores Robin and congratulates Patrick on finding "aren't you lucky to have scored such a blindly loyal, little woman." She smiles patronizingly down at Robin for the "little woman" part, then she leaves. Robin mutters "bitch" under her breath. Patrick can only pathetically apologize.
Barthelona: Pointless Lady and Jax drink champagne and discuss whatever is going on with this aggravatingly boring plot. Meanwhile, Skye sits in the dark and looks up bank info on a computer. The password is "sophie" for anyone who's been watching for years. A security guard shows up to speak Spanish. "Where is the farmer? I am enchanted to meet you."
Commercials
Hallway: Maxie apologizes for going on abut a psychopath when he almost got shot by one. If I were an English teacher, I would punish naughty students by making them diagram Maxie's sentences. Michael says he doesn't think she lied to or cheated on anybody, she just wanted to thank Matt. "Stop thinking and be" So somehow Michael went from having attending 18 hours of school his entire life to suddenly reading existentialist philosophers? Maxie thanks him and leaves.
Barthelona: Jax continues to woo Pointless Lady. Meanwhile, Skye sobs to Security Guard about how her husband was murdered. She leaves out the part that she was an accomplice. She sobs that she and her daughter will be thrown into the streets.
Hospital: Nik and Liz continue to fret about their missing child. She sobs that she's trying to stay positive. Oh, have I mentioned that there is suddenly a "Jane Morgan" who's an employee at GH, even though no one knows her. They all think she's Franco's accomplice. Liz goes off on all the most gruesome of worst case scenarios, including her baby being tossed in a dumpster or already dead.
Ethan's room: Ethan, born of endless forgiveness and grace, tells Maya that it's no big deal that she watched him almost bleed to death and literally would not lift a finger to help. Kristina, Carly and Michael show up. Kristina asks if he's okay. He shrugs and says he suspects he'll have a bit of a sore throat, and he's groggy, but in a fun way. Carly says Ethan is quite the "glass half full" kind of guy. Kristina says that's why she likes him.
Scenes from an Italian Restaurant: Alexis repeats to Walsh that she's tried to keep K from Sonny b/c of all The Danger, but it turns out Alexis is the one that has put Kristina in the most danger. Walsh says Alexis isn't the first parent to miss signs of abuse, and that was a one time thing. But Sonny is a mobster, so The Danger is daily. Sonny asks why she cares since she barely knows his kids, and tried to put their father away in prison and got Michael instead. Alexis skeedaddles. Sonny looks at his phone and says this has to be a day when she hates his guts. She says she doesn't have to like him to take what she needs. Please, please, don't let that be a turkey baster in her brief case.
Commercials
Barthelona: Apparently Pointless Woman is Senora de la Vaca. Doesn't that mean Miss Cow? Security Guard allows Skye to continue snooping.
Miss Cow reminds me of Hilda Suarez from Ugly Betty sometimes.
Ethan's room: Um, so should a guy with a hole in his carotid artery really have 85 people in his hotel room? and should he really have to be the one to comfort Maya and Kristina? Carly gets everyone to leave Ethan to rest, but Kristina stays.
Scenes from an Italian Restaurant: Oh, chit. This IS about a turkey baster. I feel like my dog just died, Walsh. Sonny says that Walsh wants to take him to bed. She says she will if she has too. She wants a baby. Yes, that makes sense. The woman waits until her mid 30's to have children because she wants things to be perfect, and she finally lets go that there is no perfect, so, of course, her first choice is a mobster she loathes who has bred some exceptionally effed up children. I can't think of anything more logical!
Commercials
Nurse's Station: Robin tells Patrick they should agree not to let Lisa come between them. Patrick says he doesn't deserve her. Robin and I both agree. Lisa eaveslurks from around the corner.
Barthelona: Miss Cow kisses Jax just as Skye walks in.
Conference room: Carly finishes a message to Jax telling him about the carnage. Michael asks her what's wrong. She stifles a sob and says nothing. She says she misses her husband. He's so strong and steady and makes her feel everything is going to be okay. She feels out of whack without him. Michael says the easy solution is to ask Jax to take her back.
Scenes from an Italian Restaurant: Sonny says "that's funny, for a minute I thought you were asking to have a baby with him." She says not with him, the baby would be hers. They would do the deed, and she knows he wants to sleep with her. She says he obviously has no problem getting anyone pregnant, and his children are intelligent, articulate and attractive. She leaves out whiny, murderous, and liars, but no one is perfect. She wants the best of what he's got and to leave the rest behind. Sonny says he looks forward to sleeping with her, but he's never getting anyone pregnant again.
Commercials
and then obnoxious godaddy deleted the last segment because of their ridiculous rule that I have to move the mouse to prove that I'm actively working on this blog. It doesn't matter that I typed non stop for 10 minutes. nope. Had to move the mouse for it to count. Oh, how I loathe them and encourage you to never do business with them!
Basically, Skye got the money and kisses Jax, and Michael insists to Carly that if she wants Jax back, she should just be with him, and Walsh tells Sonny she doesn't want presents, and he tells her that she'll be back and she wants him. and Liz goes to sleep because she's so lazy! Nik tells her he loves her.
the end
LMBO!!! I did expect Walsh to fall for Sonny's charms and wind up slip-sliding on his black satin sheets. I expected her to get pregnant and not want Sonny to know that he's the father. I sure did NOT expect her to walk up to him and ask him for some Sonny juice. ROF!!! Talk about STUPID.
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Ughh....I can just see Sonny dimpling to Claire while jiggling the coins in his pocket. The more things change, the more the remain the same.
Great caps you sure had me laughing.
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Aw HELL NO Walsh of all the men in the world to ask to be a sperm donor, WHY would you want greasy mobster sperm? Seriously, look how effed up his kids are, and if you had his spawn, do you really think he'd stay out of the kids life? Hell, he can barely stay away from MyKill, despite the fact that he could get him thrown back in prison. Please, she should totally have a turkey baster for LUCKY, not Sonny. And if this is part of her plaaan, it's a really stupid part. Also, Sonny? Just GET A VASECTOMY, will ya? Why, Guza, why must you ruin Claire Walsh? WHY?!
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So disappointed Claire will soon ride the MP...but not surprised. The second I saw her, I thought, "Petite brunette AND a Fed AND a prosecutor? Sonny's SOOOO getting laid."
& Ethan's growing on me.
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Alexis blamed herself in an aggravating way that I think was supposed to be comical.
NLG was awful in those scenes.
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