GH 8/19: Hell's not good enough for you. I'll come up with something else
The
show almost didn't suck a couple of times, but then it turned out to
mostly be my imagination running wild. Though, I'm still holding out
hope that Shawn D is maybe an evil crime lord.
Where to begin? Sonny dated a high school student when he was in his late 20's
No, wait, I'll back up a bit farther to add that Monica adopted Alan's son, Jason, when Jason was a baby, skip to 18 soap years later, his friend Brenda fell in love with a man some 10 years her senior who then left her in the rain what seems like a lot, but was really only, maybe 3 times. A tree damaged Jason's brain, so he quit being a boring, mulleted, doctor and became a one note, crew cutted, hitman for Sonny, and he was really mean to Monica. Mo left the show, so Brenda dated this Aussie for awhile. (Somewhere in here Liz got raped, and then she painted a box car for Lucky, snf hr made her a mix tape , and they were the most cutest thing ever.) And then Sonny left Brenda at the altar, so she dated the Aussie some more, but then she died, so Sonny married Carly over and over again for awhile and adopted Carly's son with Jason's brother but wouldn't let Monica be involved with her own grandson. Brenda came back to life and married Jason, and then the Aussie left her at the altar. and then a Lucky was different people a few times, and became a drug addict, so Jason knocked Liz up, but then ironically didn't get to raise his own son, just like his father and brother didn't get to be a part of their son's life b/c of his stupid job murdering people, although having a kid did make Jason feel a little crappy about being so mean to his parents. and then Carly married Jax and they had a kid, and then Liz slept with Lucky's brother, so Lucky married this Irish lady, Also, somewhere in here, Sonny had a child 25 years ago, and then Sonny shot said kid, but it was just in the chest, so no big whoop. and then Brenda married Sonny, and then Lucky's father killed the son of Liz and Jason. So then Brenda had a son three years ago. Carly and Jax fought for custody of a noggin, and Liz tried to kill the Irish lady a couple of times (with a little help from Belle Brady), so then Sonny drugged Jax, and Brenda didn't like how little children almost die all the time, so Brenda left Sonny and Port Charles, and Sonny had a lethargic break down. And Jax kidnapped his daughter, and so then everyone crashed their cars into each other because these idiots just love driving in the rain, at night, while they are very, very upset. So now the Irish lady is in a coma, and Jason has another brain injury, and Sonny blames Jax for Brenda's dumping him, and wants to murder Jax, like, super hard, and Carly is running around like an aging Sookie Stackhouse, fretting about which super hot guy should be saving her from the latest peril, and Jax should have been killed off after the last babynapping, and Brenda is hopefully having a sandwich. Oh, and The Danger is currently a drug ring involving a janitor at GH, a very killable surfer dude, and the redoubtable Anthony Z, and they drugged Lucky against his will.,
The gist:
The rain messes up everyone's plans, and Jax ends up taking Joss to Robin's, and she and Sean talk Jax into unnapping his baby.. This happens after Sean PTSD's all over the place
watchable Scenes.
Anthony buys Johnny a piano, and they bicker about power, and it turns out that Anthony may actually love Johnny a little bit when he listens to Johnny play Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.
Patrick and Shawn D bicker about a mass in Jason's brain
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Monica and Sam make nice after their fight about making decisions about Jason, but mostly they try to comfort each other. Jason wakes up after Sam threatens to get him a pink tux. He seems to be fine, but then he collapses when speaking to Carly. Which is probably what he's wanted to do all along
Liz comforts Lucky in the box car while he's on drugs, and then she goes and tries to kill Siobahn a few times, and then comes back to comfort Lucky.
Sonny runs acting ridiculous all over the place. He's very offended that Brenda still hates it when he looks her in the eye and lies to her
Boxcar: Liz ministers a drug to counteract whatever the heck is in Lucky's system.
Best Scenes:
GH. Sonny has interrupted his Revenge Mission to check in about Jason.
Sam: does her best to explain to Sonny that while the answer contains very scary stuff like brain lumps, they don't know anything yet.
Sonny: fidgets and asks where Robin is.
Sam: My apologies, I'm a bit distracted, so maybe I stuttered. Doctors are sawing into Jason's skull to peer at his brain.
Sonny: (gets distracted by the Drug Dealing The Danger, who also happens to be bald and black like Sean, so Sonny has to double take) So, you haven't seen Robin?
Sam: okay, clearly it's me who is causing the miscommunication b/c there is no fucking way you are going to be nonchalant about a brain biopsy.
Sonny: (tries to get the attention of a passing nurse) I'm on a time crunch here.
Sam: You are not allowed to be on a Get Jax mission right now. If you are so incompetent as a human being that you care more about evening the score with Jax than you do about Jason's life hanging in the balance, then do a very ridiculous Brando impression.
Sonny: (speaks in a hilarious hoarse voice) have you seen Robin or not?
Sam: fantasizes about stabbing him with her shoe.
Olivia and Carly have a slumber party, and Carly gets a little drunk and cries about how much she loves Jax and how she is proud of being the only person who never leaves Sonny, and Olivia points out that Carly can't have a marriage and Sonny, too
Sonny finds Jax at Robin's (after Sean has already taken Joss back to Carly), and Sonny and Jax bicker about how Sonny tattooed Brenda's face on his taint, but she still left, and Jax gets a little awesome and explains that Brenda left because Sonny is a creepy dirtbag who lies to her all the time and is prone to reckless behavior that endangers her latest son. Sonny waves a gun around like an asshat, and then he shoots a vase and cuts Robin's arm. Jax leaves. Patrick comes home, and he hates everything about the state in which he finds his home, particularly the part where little Emma tells her daddy that Sonny shot Mommy, and Patrick, who already hated Sonny's guts, not also hates Sonny's mitochondria. Sonny stammers around in his Dark Place and tries to talk to Robin, but Patrick won't have any of it and rescinds his invitation to Emma's Cottage, so Sonny gets blown out of the room by an ancient, dark power. Patrick wants to call the police, and even Robin has to concede that she can't apologize for Sonny this time.
Also, Looloo make Spinelli stop being Bogartelli by remindhing him that he broke Georgie's heart before she was murdered, so then he goes into a catatonic state.
Also, Sonny messed with Jax's airplane, and Jax tries to McGuyver it with gum and pencils, or whatever, but then the engines start to make noises that Jax finds very disconcerting.
Sam cries and wears glitter on her face and Jason wakes up, and he's perfectly fine, and then he calls Carly who apologizes for not respecting his boundaries, and promises to do better, and this apparently shocks him so much that he has a stroke.
And then Tuesday Happens. On Tuesday, Abby cries that The Island think she's a hooker. Abby keeps noticing that dating a child means that you have to keep telling him how to do everything, but without actually telling him what or how to do it. and Michael decides to start drinking and also to give his job another shot.
and Lucky is finally coming down and learns that Liz has developed an Almost Killed Shiobahn habit, so he goes to the hospital, looking very strung out.
and Dante holds Sonny in Cafe Interrogate, in hopes that Jax gets away before Sonny kills him.
and Alexis, Diane and Coleman have a drinking party that involves underwear and some rather touching monologues about loneliness and hope. Diane wants to slough off some of Mac's boring. I wonder if he's going to be a character in her new book? Diane realizes she needs to break up with Max and then cries beautifully that she's not meant for monogomy forever, and that we can be with someone for awhile, and learn and love, and then move onto to something else. He astutely notices that she's afraid to not be with Max, and her eyes glisten, and she rapturously says she's terrified, but she also wants to live her life without a safety net. Mac's eyes glisten as well as he sadly says he's shut down certain aspects of himself and is trying to enjoy just being an ancillary character with a steady paycheck. She wishes him to be brave enough to try for something more. Meanwhile Alexis and Coleman chat, and she lets down all those walls she has so diligently crafted and talks to Coleman about her beautiful and sweet idea of finding someone she just knows is the one. She's rarely looked so lovely. She looks physically the same, but her gentle yearning for love is quite fetching. Coleman is similarly charming, admitting that sometimes he wonders if there isn't more than what he's resigned himself to as he nears middle age. I am completely in love with the sentiments of these bright, attractive, lovely people, who have found themselves living on the sidelines of their own lives or who have settled, either because they are afraid, or because they never learned how to do what they want, or they looked for love in all the wrong places. These scenes are worth finding online. Very sweet writing, and Ms. Hennessy and Ms. Grahn both show why they deserve better material. and Coleman and Mac are always welcome on my screen. Also, to whom do I speak about more Coleman and Alexis? Not even necessarily as a romantic couple. I'd be happy to just randomly watch them grocery shop together and wax philosophic like they did tonight. But I'm telling you, there were some sparks in their eyes that i rarely see between any couples on this show, including the ones I like, and this show is in idiot if we don't get more. even if it fizzles out. Also, there is this lovely wide shot of Jake's and of Coleman standing alone behind the bar that perfectly punctuates some of the maudlin tones of the scene.
Sonny spent the night in jail, and Dante breaks the news that Jax's plane took a nose dive into the harbor.
Sean and Carly have boring conversations.
Shawn D and Patrick bicker in front of Sam about what caused Jason's seizure. She commands them to be professional neurosurgeons and not bickering brothers with a grudge. which seems pretty fair. They comply by bickering in the hall instead, until Steven condemns them to a time out for acting like children. Steve tattles on them to Robin. also, they bicker about how Shawn D was eating a sandwich in front of Siobahn. It's funny. I would find that to be repugnant if emily had done it, but i found it adorable when Shawn D did it. Even more adorably, Shawn D thinks Jason has worms. He's so neat.
Sonny paces around his cell. His hair doesn't even know which end is up and swirls around his head, random tufts pointing in miscellaneous directions. Sonny tries to yell at Dante, but Dante makes it simple "you're not the victim here, Sonny. that's Jax." Dante leaves, and Sonny seems like he might actually be upset that Jax is dead. or maybe he's just upset that the show hasn't cast any petite brunettes lately. Sonny writhes around in pain. then Jax shows up. or maybe Ghost of Jax? Jax's voice does sound super bad ass. So either Jax has gotten kind of awesome and scary, or even more hilarious, Sonny's mental illness is now stuck hallucinating Candy Boy. Ha! that woudl serve Sonny right. The scene is chock full of over the topitude, but also, it will forever be my favorite Sonny and Jax scene. Sonny and his hair do seem to feel bad for Jax dying in the plane, even though they had planned to murder him in the Pine Barrens. Jax is quick to point out that he knows that Sonny's twisted brain works like this. killing people on purpose for revenge is fine, but killing people by accident b/c of a poorly executed plan is very, very bad manners. Then Echojax laughs at Sonny for wanting to kill him b/c Brenda left PC with him. Jax says Brenda was on the plane tonight. Sonny hears Brenda's screams, and Jax becomes more and more intense as he describes that Brenda died in the plane crash and died hating Sonny, and that Sonny finally killed Brenda, just like everyone knew he would. Jax opens the jail door and says it's Sonny's turn to die, and Sonny wakes up from his nightmare.
And then Carly thank Robin.
Tracy, Skye and Edward sit around and bicker until Edward feels whoozy. Tracy asks Skye to get on the next Tramp Train out of town. I almost forgot she was working with Wheels! So they arrange to have a scene together. I don't understand where this new brick set is with the pretty plates? Is this the dining room at Birds of Paradise? Anthony and Skye have a vague conversation about a plan. Still not sure what they re up to, but he kisses her hand in a way that makes everyone on earth cringe.
Lucky worries about the Irish lady. I only like Siobahn when Liz is trying to kill her.
Also, Robin looks at Jason's blood, and it may turn out that he's not human. or maybe I've been watching too much True Blood. but what else does "what the hell are you?" supposed to make me think?
Dante unlocks Sonny's handcuffs. Carly is in the room and overhears that Jax is dead b/c of Sonny, and she whomps sonny upside the head. Way too little, way too late, dummy.
Thursday's show
Tracy and Skye bicker about Luke. Also, about one of Tracy's husbands, who was a mobster, and who dropped dead on their wedding night. Was this a thing that happened on the show, or is the show just making stuff up again? Skye blackmails Tracy that she has proof that Tracy killed some 90's mobster.
GH: Liz grabs Shawn D and pulls him towards the supply closet. He's all "I'm flattered, but I'm with Maxie." heh. but she really wants to talk about the drug ring.
Danger Janitor goes back into Siobahn's room.
Ethan rushes to check to Siobahn, but he runs into Piph, who then complains that Ethan has cooties. it's random.
Oh, good, we get to repeat Carly punching Sonny with his dick. Sonny is all offended and says she doesn't know the whole story. Well, the whole story is that Carly is a jerk who hooks up with mobsters and then gets all sad when they kill people she likes, so yes, Sonny, you are right. you are not the only one to blame.
credits
Bullpen: Sonny is all ixnay in front of the opcay. Carly demands that he tell her what he did right now. Then in a nice bit of blocking, carly turns on Sonny, so that she and Dante are standing shoulder to shoulder against Sonny. also, Carly seems to have blown a pupil in her rage because her eyes are crooked and crazed.
ELQ: I love Skye and Tracy, but I don't have much patience for their old timey soap lady fight. oh, wait, maybe it's awesome afterall. Apparently Skye and Anthony have been plotting to make it look like Tracy destroyed ELQ. but ELQ isn't destroyed yet, as far as I know.
GH: Shawn d has been dipping into Maxie's meth stash, but he does agree to help Liz with the drugs.
Red Room: Siobahn wakes up and Janitor is creepy all over the place, but she's too groggy to do anything. Ethan shows up just in time because he's Jason's doppelganger with similar powers. Everyone thinks of Ethan as a bad guy even though he never hurts anyone. He can't help it that he's not hot. though the hair cut is a vast improvement. But he does have a knack for sensing danger and seeing more clues than the other idiots in this town.
commercials
I didn't do a full recap of the show where Shawn D ate a non tuna fish sandwich in Sioban's room and then weirdly said that it was time to be done with Robin. I got confused by the wording of the line and thought that Shawn d was revealing that he'd been a secret mastermind of evil this whole time...or was a pod Shawn D. and I guess it was really just a scene to explain how Sonny knew Jax was at Robin's, but it also was a scene that left me longing for Shawn D to be a secret evil mastermind, and every scene he's in now, I keep hoping that he reveals he's really Theo, or Manny. or Faith! or, like one of their cousins. or his own new breed of bad guy. I could root for Shawn D doing damage.
Shawn D has a shifty conversation with a lab tech, and then he goes into the lab to test the drugs Liz gave him. or, you know, to figure out how to dose the entire town.
Ethan tells Danger Janitor to beat it. Siobahn flashes back to Lucky leaving angrily, her having a nose bleed, Liz trying to kill her on the docks. She mutters something about stairs.
blah blah with skye and tracy talking about a thing that I'm pretty sure never happened. Someone named Gino? Oh, I see. Somehow Skye's plan is that ELQ should really belong to this mobster family? Tracy becomes alarmed when she realizes that Skye isn't looking for money.
bullpen: Dante points out that no bodies have ever been found in any soap town on the planet, but that doesn't mean they should hold out hope. Carly rails at Sonny that Jax was right, that Sonny kills everything good and decent. true, but what does that have to do with Jax? Sonny tries to interrupt, but she keeps yelling at him. Finally he asks "so you want me to rot in hell", and he's all patronizing about it, like "yadda yadda, I get it,l you're mad today. it'll pass." but she snaps back at him, "no, hell's too good for you. I'll come up with something else." ha! that's my new favorite thing Carly has ever said or done. and even better is the gorgeously insane way her face looks after she says it.
commercials
Nurse's Station: Shawn D tells Liz that the meds have been tampered with. Dude, isn't this a dropped plot line from the Oughts, or whatever we decided to call the first 10 years of this century?
Cafe Interrogate: Sonny and Carly are there for the 2nd seating. Sonny swears that the plane was never supposed to take off. Carly quickly points out that it's not less of a murder if one of his goons shot Jax after he took him off the plane, and if Jax still ended up in either a watery grave in the harbor or an unmarked grave in the Barrens. Sonny says this is why he didn't want Carly to speak in front of Dante b/c of how she'd say really true things like that he killed Jax. Carly is disgusted that Sonny would murder Jax because of Brenda. Carly repeats what Everyone In Town has said to Sonny at this point. that Brenda didn't leave because of Jax. She left because of Sonny. Carly adds this delicious insult "and who could blame her." hee. oh, I do love when we get a week of Everyone Hating on Sonny. They come up with meaner things than even our sweet '77 would say!
Commercials
Nurse's Station: why did Liz do her hair like Morticia today? Liz wants to chat with Lucky about The Case. She fills him in that the hospital has weakened pain meds.
Also, hasn't Liz suspected there was something wrong with the meds for a few years now? She's such a crappy nurse. go back to painting, please!
Red Room: Ethan is worried that Siobahn seems out of it. Shawn D may or may not be in cahoots with Danger Janitor. Also, maybe Shawn D is the one who tried to kill Siobahn b/c maybe he knew all along that Liz gave him the wrong meds during surgery. I'm telling you, the guy is acting strangely, so something is up. I like him all strange and chatty, but he's a latent Danger. Siobahn keeps almost remembering that Liz tried to kill her.
Cafe Interrogate: Carly continues that Brenda was right to leave b/c Sonny isn't safe for a child. sonny is offended.
Commercials
Nurse's Station: I hate Lucky's hair. Lucky blames himself for Siobahn being in the country and going to the warehouse. Liz thinks nothing is his fault. or anyone's fault. they all just ended up here, and it's rude to blame anyone. yep. that's what she thinks.
Red Room: Siobahn is disoriented and remembers snippets of Liz trying to kill her on the stairs and Liz trying to kill her in the car. Ethan is concerned, but Shawn D is quick to say she's recovering nicely, and he seems overly happy about it, like you do when yo uare an evil mastermind who is actually upset that your Danger Janitor didn't kill the target.
Actually, Shawn D is kind of annoying if he's not secretly a bad guy. He's awesome if he's acting all nice and funny and charming b/c he wants to kill everyone, but he's totallly gross if he's just acting like this because he is nice. because he's being kind of a suck up. I'm praying for bad guy!
Skye and Anthony discuss their plan.
ELQ: Tracy is perturbed. She pulls a teeny key from behind the mirror, unlocks a file cabinet, and pulls out a file that she overlooks with consternation.
Cafe Interrogate: So now it's when people talk about how killing people on purpose is canceleld out b/c of how car accidents and cancer exist. because of how car accidents and cancer happen on purpose. Carly cries that Jax was the better parent and father. oy. shut it Carly. no, sorry, fuck you, Carly. Sonny killed Jax b/c Jax kidnapped your daugher, which he did b/c you wouldn't simply admit WHAT YOU JUST SAID RIGHT NOW. shut up, Carly. you should get the same sentence Sonny should get. (notice I said "should" because 1. I'm hoping Jax didn't die. and 2. Obs no one is getting a sentence. Anyhhoo, Carls has decided that she can cut Sonny out of her life, now that Jax is fish food, so I'm sure he's happy about that. Sonny says they are his kids too. Her face contorts back to that crazy face she made when she talked about creating a fate worse than hell, and she says "not anymore"
but also, meh, we've heard all of this before.
commercials
Red Room: Shawn D checks in on Siobahn. She wants to speak to Liz.
Elevators: Liz wants Lucky off the case. and also to quit asking about how she keeps trying to kill his wife. Liz is worried that now that he's had drugs again, he'll be vulnerable. He says that part of him craves the high, but being rape drugged doesn't change that he can resisit that, like he's been doing for years. Shawn D sees them together and seems disgusted. like an evil criminal master mind would!
Strange Brick Room: where the hell is this? Danger Janitor is afraid of Anthony and promises to try harder to kill people. Anthony slices his hands, like one does when one wants to be blood brothers. Anthony grimaces at the pain while laughing about how fun it is to be insane. heh. oh, Wheels. Where have you been this whole show's life?
Cafe Interrogate Dante dumps Sonny's personal effects on the table and taunts that Sonny is going to live alone in his house. also, my favorite part about Ghost Jax and Cowering sonny was when Jax told Sonny he was just a weak thug from Bensonhurst. I regret I can't quote it verbatim. but that's gotta sting, right? You have a nightmare in which the hotter, taller version of you calls you bensonhurst trash, and then your son calls you the same thing the next morning?
the end
Where to begin? Sonny dated a high school student when he was in his late 20's
No, wait, I'll back up a bit farther to add that Monica adopted Alan's son, Jason, when Jason was a baby, skip to 18 soap years later, his friend Brenda fell in love with a man some 10 years her senior who then left her in the rain what seems like a lot, but was really only, maybe 3 times. A tree damaged Jason's brain, so he quit being a boring, mulleted, doctor and became a one note, crew cutted, hitman for Sonny, and he was really mean to Monica. Mo left the show, so Brenda dated this Aussie for awhile. (Somewhere in here Liz got raped, and then she painted a box car for Lucky, snf hr made her a mix tape , and they were the most cutest thing ever.) And then Sonny left Brenda at the altar, so she dated the Aussie some more, but then she died, so Sonny married Carly over and over again for awhile and adopted Carly's son with Jason's brother but wouldn't let Monica be involved with her own grandson. Brenda came back to life and married Jason, and then the Aussie left her at the altar. and then a Lucky was different people a few times, and became a drug addict, so Jason knocked Liz up, but then ironically didn't get to raise his own son, just like his father and brother didn't get to be a part of their son's life b/c of his stupid job murdering people, although having a kid did make Jason feel a little crappy about being so mean to his parents. and then Carly married Jax and they had a kid, and then Liz slept with Lucky's brother, so Lucky married this Irish lady, Also, somewhere in here, Sonny had a child 25 years ago, and then Sonny shot said kid, but it was just in the chest, so no big whoop. and then Brenda married Sonny, and then Lucky's father killed the son of Liz and Jason. So then Brenda had a son three years ago. Carly and Jax fought for custody of a noggin, and Liz tried to kill the Irish lady a couple of times (with a little help from Belle Brady), so then Sonny drugged Jax, and Brenda didn't like how little children almost die all the time, so Brenda left Sonny and Port Charles, and Sonny had a lethargic break down. And Jax kidnapped his daughter, and so then everyone crashed their cars into each other because these idiots just love driving in the rain, at night, while they are very, very upset. So now the Irish lady is in a coma, and Jason has another brain injury, and Sonny blames Jax for Brenda's dumping him, and wants to murder Jax, like, super hard, and Carly is running around like an aging Sookie Stackhouse, fretting about which super hot guy should be saving her from the latest peril, and Jax should have been killed off after the last babynapping, and Brenda is hopefully having a sandwich. Oh, and The Danger is currently a drug ring involving a janitor at GH, a very killable surfer dude, and the redoubtable Anthony Z, and they drugged Lucky against his will.,
The gist:
The rain messes up everyone's plans, and Jax ends up taking Joss to Robin's, and she and Sean talk Jax into unnapping his baby.. This happens after Sean PTSD's all over the place
watchable Scenes.
Anthony buys Johnny a piano, and they bicker about power, and it turns out that Anthony may actually love Johnny a little bit when he listens to Johnny play Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.
Patrick and Shawn D bicker about a mass in Jason's brain
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Monica and Sam make nice after their fight about making decisions about Jason, but mostly they try to comfort each other. Jason wakes up after Sam threatens to get him a pink tux. He seems to be fine, but then he collapses when speaking to Carly. Which is probably what he's wanted to do all along
Liz comforts Lucky in the box car while he's on drugs, and then she goes and tries to kill Siobahn a few times, and then comes back to comfort Lucky.
Sonny runs acting ridiculous all over the place. He's very offended that Brenda still hates it when he looks her in the eye and lies to her
Boxcar: Liz ministers a drug to counteract whatever the heck is in Lucky's system.
Best Scenes:
GH. Sonny has interrupted his Revenge Mission to check in about Jason.
Sam: does her best to explain to Sonny that while the answer contains very scary stuff like brain lumps, they don't know anything yet.
Sonny: fidgets and asks where Robin is.
Sam: My apologies, I'm a bit distracted, so maybe I stuttered. Doctors are sawing into Jason's skull to peer at his brain.
Sonny: (gets distracted by the Drug Dealing The Danger, who also happens to be bald and black like Sean, so Sonny has to double take) So, you haven't seen Robin?
Sam: okay, clearly it's me who is causing the miscommunication b/c there is no fucking way you are going to be nonchalant about a brain biopsy.
Sonny: (tries to get the attention of a passing nurse) I'm on a time crunch here.
Sam: You are not allowed to be on a Get Jax mission right now. If you are so incompetent as a human being that you care more about evening the score with Jax than you do about Jason's life hanging in the balance, then do a very ridiculous Brando impression.
Sonny: (speaks in a hilarious hoarse voice) have you seen Robin or not?
Sam: fantasizes about stabbing him with her shoe.
Olivia and Carly have a slumber party, and Carly gets a little drunk and cries about how much she loves Jax and how she is proud of being the only person who never leaves Sonny, and Olivia points out that Carly can't have a marriage and Sonny, too
Sonny finds Jax at Robin's (after Sean has already taken Joss back to Carly), and Sonny and Jax bicker about how Sonny tattooed Brenda's face on his taint, but she still left, and Jax gets a little awesome and explains that Brenda left because Sonny is a creepy dirtbag who lies to her all the time and is prone to reckless behavior that endangers her latest son. Sonny waves a gun around like an asshat, and then he shoots a vase and cuts Robin's arm. Jax leaves. Patrick comes home, and he hates everything about the state in which he finds his home, particularly the part where little Emma tells her daddy that Sonny shot Mommy, and Patrick, who already hated Sonny's guts, not also hates Sonny's mitochondria. Sonny stammers around in his Dark Place and tries to talk to Robin, but Patrick won't have any of it and rescinds his invitation to Emma's Cottage, so Sonny gets blown out of the room by an ancient, dark power. Patrick wants to call the police, and even Robin has to concede that she can't apologize for Sonny this time.
Also, Looloo make Spinelli stop being Bogartelli by remindhing him that he broke Georgie's heart before she was murdered, so then he goes into a catatonic state.
Also, Sonny messed with Jax's airplane, and Jax tries to McGuyver it with gum and pencils, or whatever, but then the engines start to make noises that Jax finds very disconcerting.
Sam cries and wears glitter on her face and Jason wakes up, and he's perfectly fine, and then he calls Carly who apologizes for not respecting his boundaries, and promises to do better, and this apparently shocks him so much that he has a stroke.
And then Tuesday Happens. On Tuesday, Abby cries that The Island think she's a hooker. Abby keeps noticing that dating a child means that you have to keep telling him how to do everything, but without actually telling him what or how to do it. and Michael decides to start drinking and also to give his job another shot.
and Lucky is finally coming down and learns that Liz has developed an Almost Killed Shiobahn habit, so he goes to the hospital, looking very strung out.
and Dante holds Sonny in Cafe Interrogate, in hopes that Jax gets away before Sonny kills him.
and Alexis, Diane and Coleman have a drinking party that involves underwear and some rather touching monologues about loneliness and hope. Diane wants to slough off some of Mac's boring. I wonder if he's going to be a character in her new book? Diane realizes she needs to break up with Max and then cries beautifully that she's not meant for monogomy forever, and that we can be with someone for awhile, and learn and love, and then move onto to something else. He astutely notices that she's afraid to not be with Max, and her eyes glisten, and she rapturously says she's terrified, but she also wants to live her life without a safety net. Mac's eyes glisten as well as he sadly says he's shut down certain aspects of himself and is trying to enjoy just being an ancillary character with a steady paycheck. She wishes him to be brave enough to try for something more. Meanwhile Alexis and Coleman chat, and she lets down all those walls she has so diligently crafted and talks to Coleman about her beautiful and sweet idea of finding someone she just knows is the one. She's rarely looked so lovely. She looks physically the same, but her gentle yearning for love is quite fetching. Coleman is similarly charming, admitting that sometimes he wonders if there isn't more than what he's resigned himself to as he nears middle age. I am completely in love with the sentiments of these bright, attractive, lovely people, who have found themselves living on the sidelines of their own lives or who have settled, either because they are afraid, or because they never learned how to do what they want, or they looked for love in all the wrong places. These scenes are worth finding online. Very sweet writing, and Ms. Hennessy and Ms. Grahn both show why they deserve better material. and Coleman and Mac are always welcome on my screen. Also, to whom do I speak about more Coleman and Alexis? Not even necessarily as a romantic couple. I'd be happy to just randomly watch them grocery shop together and wax philosophic like they did tonight. But I'm telling you, there were some sparks in their eyes that i rarely see between any couples on this show, including the ones I like, and this show is in idiot if we don't get more. even if it fizzles out. Also, there is this lovely wide shot of Jake's and of Coleman standing alone behind the bar that perfectly punctuates some of the maudlin tones of the scene.
Sonny spent the night in jail, and Dante breaks the news that Jax's plane took a nose dive into the harbor.
Sean and Carly have boring conversations.
Shawn D and Patrick bicker in front of Sam about what caused Jason's seizure. She commands them to be professional neurosurgeons and not bickering brothers with a grudge. which seems pretty fair. They comply by bickering in the hall instead, until Steven condemns them to a time out for acting like children. Steve tattles on them to Robin. also, they bicker about how Shawn D was eating a sandwich in front of Siobahn. It's funny. I would find that to be repugnant if emily had done it, but i found it adorable when Shawn D did it. Even more adorably, Shawn D thinks Jason has worms. He's so neat.
Sonny paces around his cell. His hair doesn't even know which end is up and swirls around his head, random tufts pointing in miscellaneous directions. Sonny tries to yell at Dante, but Dante makes it simple "you're not the victim here, Sonny. that's Jax." Dante leaves, and Sonny seems like he might actually be upset that Jax is dead. or maybe he's just upset that the show hasn't cast any petite brunettes lately. Sonny writhes around in pain. then Jax shows up. or maybe Ghost of Jax? Jax's voice does sound super bad ass. So either Jax has gotten kind of awesome and scary, or even more hilarious, Sonny's mental illness is now stuck hallucinating Candy Boy. Ha! that woudl serve Sonny right. The scene is chock full of over the topitude, but also, it will forever be my favorite Sonny and Jax scene. Sonny and his hair do seem to feel bad for Jax dying in the plane, even though they had planned to murder him in the Pine Barrens. Jax is quick to point out that he knows that Sonny's twisted brain works like this. killing people on purpose for revenge is fine, but killing people by accident b/c of a poorly executed plan is very, very bad manners. Then Echojax laughs at Sonny for wanting to kill him b/c Brenda left PC with him. Jax says Brenda was on the plane tonight. Sonny hears Brenda's screams, and Jax becomes more and more intense as he describes that Brenda died in the plane crash and died hating Sonny, and that Sonny finally killed Brenda, just like everyone knew he would. Jax opens the jail door and says it's Sonny's turn to die, and Sonny wakes up from his nightmare.
And then Carly thank Robin.
Tracy, Skye and Edward sit around and bicker until Edward feels whoozy. Tracy asks Skye to get on the next Tramp Train out of town. I almost forgot she was working with Wheels! So they arrange to have a scene together. I don't understand where this new brick set is with the pretty plates? Is this the dining room at Birds of Paradise? Anthony and Skye have a vague conversation about a plan. Still not sure what they re up to, but he kisses her hand in a way that makes everyone on earth cringe.
Lucky worries about the Irish lady. I only like Siobahn when Liz is trying to kill her.
Also, Robin looks at Jason's blood, and it may turn out that he's not human. or maybe I've been watching too much True Blood. but what else does "what the hell are you?" supposed to make me think?
Dante unlocks Sonny's handcuffs. Carly is in the room and overhears that Jax is dead b/c of Sonny, and she whomps sonny upside the head. Way too little, way too late, dummy.
Thursday's show
Tracy and Skye bicker about Luke. Also, about one of Tracy's husbands, who was a mobster, and who dropped dead on their wedding night. Was this a thing that happened on the show, or is the show just making stuff up again? Skye blackmails Tracy that she has proof that Tracy killed some 90's mobster.
GH: Liz grabs Shawn D and pulls him towards the supply closet. He's all "I'm flattered, but I'm with Maxie." heh. but she really wants to talk about the drug ring.
Danger Janitor goes back into Siobahn's room.
Ethan rushes to check to Siobahn, but he runs into Piph, who then complains that Ethan has cooties. it's random.
Oh, good, we get to repeat Carly punching Sonny with his dick. Sonny is all offended and says she doesn't know the whole story. Well, the whole story is that Carly is a jerk who hooks up with mobsters and then gets all sad when they kill people she likes, so yes, Sonny, you are right. you are not the only one to blame.
credits
Bullpen: Sonny is all ixnay in front of the opcay. Carly demands that he tell her what he did right now. Then in a nice bit of blocking, carly turns on Sonny, so that she and Dante are standing shoulder to shoulder against Sonny. also, Carly seems to have blown a pupil in her rage because her eyes are crooked and crazed.
ELQ: I love Skye and Tracy, but I don't have much patience for their old timey soap lady fight. oh, wait, maybe it's awesome afterall. Apparently Skye and Anthony have been plotting to make it look like Tracy destroyed ELQ. but ELQ isn't destroyed yet, as far as I know.
GH: Shawn d has been dipping into Maxie's meth stash, but he does agree to help Liz with the drugs.
Red Room: Siobahn wakes up and Janitor is creepy all over the place, but she's too groggy to do anything. Ethan shows up just in time because he's Jason's doppelganger with similar powers. Everyone thinks of Ethan as a bad guy even though he never hurts anyone. He can't help it that he's not hot. though the hair cut is a vast improvement. But he does have a knack for sensing danger and seeing more clues than the other idiots in this town.
commercials
I didn't do a full recap of the show where Shawn D ate a non tuna fish sandwich in Sioban's room and then weirdly said that it was time to be done with Robin. I got confused by the wording of the line and thought that Shawn d was revealing that he'd been a secret mastermind of evil this whole time...or was a pod Shawn D. and I guess it was really just a scene to explain how Sonny knew Jax was at Robin's, but it also was a scene that left me longing for Shawn D to be a secret evil mastermind, and every scene he's in now, I keep hoping that he reveals he's really Theo, or Manny. or Faith! or, like one of their cousins. or his own new breed of bad guy. I could root for Shawn D doing damage.
Shawn D has a shifty conversation with a lab tech, and then he goes into the lab to test the drugs Liz gave him. or, you know, to figure out how to dose the entire town.
Ethan tells Danger Janitor to beat it. Siobahn flashes back to Lucky leaving angrily, her having a nose bleed, Liz trying to kill her on the docks. She mutters something about stairs.
blah blah with skye and tracy talking about a thing that I'm pretty sure never happened. Someone named Gino? Oh, I see. Somehow Skye's plan is that ELQ should really belong to this mobster family? Tracy becomes alarmed when she realizes that Skye isn't looking for money.
bullpen: Dante points out that no bodies have ever been found in any soap town on the planet, but that doesn't mean they should hold out hope. Carly rails at Sonny that Jax was right, that Sonny kills everything good and decent. true, but what does that have to do with Jax? Sonny tries to interrupt, but she keeps yelling at him. Finally he asks "so you want me to rot in hell", and he's all patronizing about it, like "yadda yadda, I get it,l you're mad today. it'll pass." but she snaps back at him, "no, hell's too good for you. I'll come up with something else." ha! that's my new favorite thing Carly has ever said or done. and even better is the gorgeously insane way her face looks after she says it.
commercials
Nurse's Station: Shawn D tells Liz that the meds have been tampered with. Dude, isn't this a dropped plot line from the Oughts, or whatever we decided to call the first 10 years of this century?
Cafe Interrogate: Sonny and Carly are there for the 2nd seating. Sonny swears that the plane was never supposed to take off. Carly quickly points out that it's not less of a murder if one of his goons shot Jax after he took him off the plane, and if Jax still ended up in either a watery grave in the harbor or an unmarked grave in the Barrens. Sonny says this is why he didn't want Carly to speak in front of Dante b/c of how she'd say really true things like that he killed Jax. Carly is disgusted that Sonny would murder Jax because of Brenda. Carly repeats what Everyone In Town has said to Sonny at this point. that Brenda didn't leave because of Jax. She left because of Sonny. Carly adds this delicious insult "and who could blame her." hee. oh, I do love when we get a week of Everyone Hating on Sonny. They come up with meaner things than even our sweet '77 would say!
Commercials
Nurse's Station: why did Liz do her hair like Morticia today? Liz wants to chat with Lucky about The Case. She fills him in that the hospital has weakened pain meds.
Also, hasn't Liz suspected there was something wrong with the meds for a few years now? She's such a crappy nurse. go back to painting, please!
Red Room: Ethan is worried that Siobahn seems out of it. Shawn D may or may not be in cahoots with Danger Janitor. Also, maybe Shawn D is the one who tried to kill Siobahn b/c maybe he knew all along that Liz gave him the wrong meds during surgery. I'm telling you, the guy is acting strangely, so something is up. I like him all strange and chatty, but he's a latent Danger. Siobahn keeps almost remembering that Liz tried to kill her.
Cafe Interrogate: Carly continues that Brenda was right to leave b/c Sonny isn't safe for a child. sonny is offended.
Commercials
Nurse's Station: I hate Lucky's hair. Lucky blames himself for Siobahn being in the country and going to the warehouse. Liz thinks nothing is his fault. or anyone's fault. they all just ended up here, and it's rude to blame anyone. yep. that's what she thinks.
Red Room: Siobahn is disoriented and remembers snippets of Liz trying to kill her on the stairs and Liz trying to kill her in the car. Ethan is concerned, but Shawn D is quick to say she's recovering nicely, and he seems overly happy about it, like you do when yo uare an evil mastermind who is actually upset that your Danger Janitor didn't kill the target.
Actually, Shawn D is kind of annoying if he's not secretly a bad guy. He's awesome if he's acting all nice and funny and charming b/c he wants to kill everyone, but he's totallly gross if he's just acting like this because he is nice. because he's being kind of a suck up. I'm praying for bad guy!
Skye and Anthony discuss their plan.
ELQ: Tracy is perturbed. She pulls a teeny key from behind the mirror, unlocks a file cabinet, and pulls out a file that she overlooks with consternation.
Cafe Interrogate: So now it's when people talk about how killing people on purpose is canceleld out b/c of how car accidents and cancer exist. because of how car accidents and cancer happen on purpose. Carly cries that Jax was the better parent and father. oy. shut it Carly. no, sorry, fuck you, Carly. Sonny killed Jax b/c Jax kidnapped your daugher, which he did b/c you wouldn't simply admit WHAT YOU JUST SAID RIGHT NOW. shut up, Carly. you should get the same sentence Sonny should get. (notice I said "should" because 1. I'm hoping Jax didn't die. and 2. Obs no one is getting a sentence. Anyhhoo, Carls has decided that she can cut Sonny out of her life, now that Jax is fish food, so I'm sure he's happy about that. Sonny says they are his kids too. Her face contorts back to that crazy face she made when she talked about creating a fate worse than hell, and she says "not anymore"
but also, meh, we've heard all of this before.
commercials
Red Room: Shawn D checks in on Siobahn. She wants to speak to Liz.
Elevators: Liz wants Lucky off the case. and also to quit asking about how she keeps trying to kill his wife. Liz is worried that now that he's had drugs again, he'll be vulnerable. He says that part of him craves the high, but being rape drugged doesn't change that he can resisit that, like he's been doing for years. Shawn D sees them together and seems disgusted. like an evil criminal master mind would!
Strange Brick Room: where the hell is this? Danger Janitor is afraid of Anthony and promises to try harder to kill people. Anthony slices his hands, like one does when one wants to be blood brothers. Anthony grimaces at the pain while laughing about how fun it is to be insane. heh. oh, Wheels. Where have you been this whole show's life?
Cafe Interrogate Dante dumps Sonny's personal effects on the table and taunts that Sonny is going to live alone in his house. also, my favorite part about Ghost Jax and Cowering sonny was when Jax told Sonny he was just a weak thug from Bensonhurst. I regret I can't quote it verbatim. but that's gotta sting, right? You have a nightmare in which the hotter, taller version of you calls you bensonhurst trash, and then your son calls you the same thing the next morning?
the end
Thank you for doing this. I still can't bring myself to watch the show yet.
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Wow...that was a whole lotta capping there. It's so fun when everyone is hating on Sonny!! I wish he could read our ScreenCaps!!
Caps were fabulous, the show seems to be sucking at a different level lately. Perchance this is the start of something new?!!
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Tracy and Skye bicker about Luke. Also, about one of Tracy's husbands, who was a mobster, and who dropped dead on their wedding night. Was this a thing that happened on the show, or is the show just making stuff up again? Skye blackmails Tracy that she has proof that Tracy killed some 90's mobster.
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This is a reference to that soap called THE City that Jane Elliot was on she was married to a mobster named Gino Solito and for some reason they are bring his daughter to GH for some reason......So basically more danger crap
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Awesome caps!
BTW, they didn't make up the Tracy history lesson, happened on a short lived soap called "The City" which was a spin off from "Loving". Lisa LoCicero (Olivia on GH) was on it too!
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Brilliant! The meth-y summary of the past 20 years particularly brilliant. What does a gal have to do to get you to post more often? (I'd click on your ads, if you still had them) A show like this needs caps like yours.
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That scene with Alexis, Diane, Coleman and Mac was good old soap opera.
Thank God for Sonny's hair!
vic
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Mrs Mad, I haven't laughed this hard in a month!!! Awesome caps
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Best parts were calling Joss a noggin (so true!) and Sonny's taint tattoo. I laughed out loud. Thanks, Mad, I really needed that laugh today (:
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I wanted to thank you for this great read!! I definitely enjoyed every little bit of it .
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Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
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Do not look back on happiness or dream of it in the future. You are only sure of today; do not let yourself be cheated of it.
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What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. They are but trifles, to be sure, but, scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable.
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Do not look back on happiness or dream of it in the future. You are only sure of today; do not let yourself be cheated of it.
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