even...John and Natalie, basking in the post coital bliss, have The Blanco Show on.  They get dressed, and Nat wants to take the baby to Llanfair to watch the FR finale.  John doesn't care to watch it b/c he knows what will happen.  Natalie is shocked to learn her boyfriends reads spoilers.  He grunts he doesn't know what these words mean, but he assumes everyone gets a happy ending.

Nora and Matthew help a hobbling Bo into an apartment.  Nora tells him David is visiting, so there may be strippers.  Instead, David is tortured b/c his movie The Boy with the Chipmunk Tattoo was a flop.  David feels like Hollywood is snubbing him now.  Even Judith Light didn't talk to him at the FR wrap party.  "And she's just a TV actress." David groans.  David sits dramatically as we zoom in slowly for a closeup.  The music swells dramatically as David laments that his career and marriage would be better if he'd done more to save "that infernal soap."  He looks right at us on the last phrase.  cheeky.

Viki and Clint watch, and Rex, Zombie Gigi and Shane stop by to forlornly tell them they are leaving.  4 years too late, some would say.

Roxy, the butler, Sean, and Destiny all hang out to watch the finale.  They even recite in unison the hilariously terrible, Days of our Lifey, opening statement about the show.  Sean thinks it's crappy that Rex would leave town on the tragic last day of FR.  These people are freaks for this show, y'all.

John gets a call about the bug on Todd's phone.

Starr tells her family, amassed to watch FR, that some stupid song she put on youtube went viral, so now Los Angeles wants to give her a recording contract.  Stoopid.  Everyone cries because there aren't airplanes, skype, or the extremely high likelihood that 12 year old looking Starr is never going to make it big and will be home in two shakes.  Todd says she's going to LA over his dead body.

Commercials

The Blanca Show:  Blanca has Agnes Nixon, creator of Fraternity Row, as a guest.  Agnes speaks lovingly of the show.

Lair:  Tomas is tied up in a dungeon of sorts.  His kidnapper has to watch his stories, though, so we don't learn why.

Todd says he's missed most of her life, so she can't run out on him now.  Aren't they all millionaires?  Why not just move with her for the 3 weeks that she has a job recording an album?  It's very nice that everyone color coordinated their outfits today.  Everyone seems to be wearing shades of blue, plum and purple.  oh, nevermind, there's Shane blowing it by wearing green.  For some reason Clint and Rex have a moment where they discuss hugging.  Which is fitting since this show has been on for 40+ years, and Rex and Clint have shared a predictable storyline that was important for roughly .0001% of the show's run.

Buchansion:  People I don't care about at all have conversations about other people I don't care about.  except for Roxy.  I'll miss her.  and I like Sean's parents well enough.  and the butler.  I forgot Destiny is pregnant.  oy.

Attic apartment:  Bo and Nora demand that Matthew be a good father and not abandon Destiny.  But then they get to important stuff like watching their favorite soap.

Llanfair:  Viki and Clint discuss the DNA test.  Jessica saunters in on cue and asks what DNA test, but Clint says they're talking about Fraternity Row.

Buchansion:  Roxy demands that all cell phones be turned off b/c the show is starting.  Destiny warns that there is to be no talking.  Rama reminds Vimal that this also means not pointing out scientific inaccuracies.  heh.  So Vimal is the sort who watches a soap and then points out how preposterous everything is?  Doncha just hate people like that?  Rex/Gig/Shane show up, and Roxy pouts that he's leaving town.  Is there a correlation between the characters who are leaving town and the actors who've gotten jobs on other shows?

Commercials

The Blanca Show.  Apparently Nan Flannagan, or Megan, as this show likes to call her, played twins on Fraternity Row.  I'll just believe that's always been true b/c I didn't watch very regularly back then.  Blanca has Viki on the show.  The show gets way cheesy in a very lovely way, and Viki gives a sweet speech about why fans love soaps.  It's nice because it's such a loving tribute to the fans of the show, and it frankly makes me tear up a bit that the show went to the trouble.  We gets shots of the characters when a section of Viki's speech is about them.  The best is when Viki says sometimes the actors are replaced, and we see Jessica sitting there holding her daughter.  Then we pan over to Todd.  Viki continues that sometimes the actor is replaced with a new actor.  Then we close in on Blair while Viki says that sometimes the new actor isn't very much like the old actor at all.  Then Todd and Blair smile at each other and laugh about this.  

Viki jokes about how kids go off the grade school in the morning and come back from high school in the evening.  She says that we love the show because of the familiar faces we've know for so long (shot of Nigel crying, aw.  sniff, I'll miss you, Nigel!)  Viki says some of the characters have grown up before us (shot of Starr snuggling her daughter and Sam).  viki says the characters become our friends and we yearn for their happiness.  we laugh and cry with them and can't imagine doing without them.  The only thing we have to do to keep them in our lives is tune in tomorrow.

Dungeon:  Kidnapper tearfully listens to the end of Viki's speech, but then McBain cracks his skull with his gun.  McBain and Tomas do what I can only describe as gaze lovingly at each other.  I doubt it was intended, but if there's anyone out there hoping for a Mcmos hook up, I think the actors would be into it.

Commercials

Buchansion:  Everyone watches with rapt attention.  We pan across the crowd, everyone's mouth is agape.  Vimal shakes his head "that is one nutty fraternity."  Roxy sums it up that Lorraine was really a man.  Sean wonders how Durwood could not know.  Roxy "the person in the coma that we thought was his father, was actually his mother, and Lorraine was his father.  Rex jumps up to say this is ridiculous.  Roxy thinks is was Brilliant.  Rex qualifies that ridiculous doesn't mean bad.  Gigi/Rex/Shane point out that the characters on the show are like them, and that Rex will always think Roxy is a great mom, no matter what.  He asks for her blessing for his move.  Sean stalks some pretty lady, and she consents to love him.  Destiny moons over Matthew.  When did Destiny get so much cuter?  

Bo and Nora leave to go be boring at Roxy's party.  Matthew stays behind to avoid Destiny.  David says Matthew is staying behind to help him edit his Wikipedia page. (vandals changed it to make David sound like a used car salesman)

Buchansion:  Vimel and Rama talk about his latest DNA testing.

Llanfair:  Nat and Jessica tease Clint for crying over a soap.  Clint says he's crying because he gets to spend the next 20 years with the woman he's always loved and both his daughters.

Todd decides to quit pouty about Starr's departure.  Tea darkly murmurs to herself that Todd will be in Statesville.

Commercials

Buchansion:  Natalie cries when she learns Rex is leaving.  Bo shows up to say goodbye, and Destiny is bummed Matthew didn't show.  Her mom says he'll be here later, but Destiny forlornly says he won't.

Attic apartment:  David berates Matthew for being dumb about Destiny.

Buchansion:  Rex and Bo share a manly, warm goodbye.  

Everyone hugs goodbye in slow motion.  Then the Balsams for Europe, and Starr leaves for LA.  And no one has any luggage.  just lots and lots of baggage, am I right?

Commercials

Llanfair:  Vimal brings the paternity test results.  We have to wait to find out.

Everyone has left Laboulet (I could NOT think of the name of this particular mansion until just now).  Blair invites Todd to sit with her on the floor and cry about their daughter's leaving.  Todd cries because he's finally gotten a heart and a brain, and he thought of a dozen ways to trick, force, manipulate or cajole Starr into staying, but he couldn't.  Because it's not about what he wants.  It's Starr's time, and to truly love her and be a good father, he has to embrace that.  He tamaracries about how much this lesson sucks to learn.  heh.  blair says this was what she was waiting to see, that he'd changed.  She offers herself to him.  Also, it would be funny if Todd just cried like that to get into Blair's pants.

McBain brings Tomas to Tea, who rushes into his arms.  

Buchansion:  Bo laments that Asa wouldn't like that his whole family is spread all over the world, and not living all together like stunted, spoiled morons, like they've been doing for decades.  (I added that last part.)  Destiny moons all over the, room, and Nora points out that one Buchanon is still around.

Attic:  (they aren't really in an attic, but the architecture confuses me)  David says Matthew is being a crummy creep, and he doesn't even recognize Matthew anymore and doesn't want to be around him.

Buchansion:  I assume it will not surprise you that Destiny's water breaks?  

see you tomorrow!